Rafa Starts Big School

October 03, 2017

My 3y10m-old son officially started going to big school about three weeks ago.  Can you believe that?  It just seems like yesterday when my husband and I took him home from the hospital -- still so tiny and fragile.  Now, we've already got a preschooler in the house!  I wonder, where did time go?

The quote that says, "The days are long but the years are short" is indeed true.  I can still remember how difficult and depressing my life was when I was a new mom -- I have to take care of Rafa all by myself because my husband needs to work and we don't have the support of an extended family since we're living overseas.  Believe me, it was way beyond exhausting.  Back then, I can't help but wish everything could be fast-forwarded -- so Rafa would sleep through the night and wean from my breast -- so I won't feel used and abused anymore.  Oh, how I longed for my freedom!

After so many years, I finally got the chance to relax in peace while my son spends a few hours in school.  It feels liberating to have some quiet time for myself again!  I should be celebrating, right?  But apparently, I feel the opposite.  I feel so alone and lonely. I'm missing Rafa every second of the day!  I can't help but worry if he's doing fine, or if he's crying, or if he's eaten his snack, and so on and so forth.  It feels really hard to entrust your precious little one to someone else.  Maybe, I'm just being paranoid or perhaps, I'm having issues in dealing with separation anxiety. 

Whatever it is, I just hope and pray that Rafa would return home to me safely every single day.  He's my life!  And no matter how insanely challenging this motherhood thing is going to be, I would always choose to be a mom! 

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