The Heartbreak I Will Always Thank God For

August 12, 2015

Do you still remember the time when you had your heart broken?  I do.  Mine was five years ago, when my six years relationship with someone, who happened to be my first boyfriend also, ended horribly.  Yes, it was an ugly breakup.

Hurt is an understatement of what I felt back then.  I was devastated.  I was angry, resentful, and my heart was full of hatred.  I was bitter but never did I spoke any word about the issue simply because of one reason -- RESPECT.

It was also during those difficult times when my anticipated job offer from abroad didn't materialize. I was idle, unemployed, jobless.. Whatever you call it!  I was a brokenhearted woman who's struggling with career and personal life.

I remember my sister used to say that in life, some people tend to be lucky in career but unlucky in love; others won't have a successful career but would have a happy love life.  A few are blessed to have both.  On the contrary, I was left with neither of those.  What's even more unfortunate was I lost both at the same time!

My twenty four year old self was so overwhelmed of such loss.  I was trying to convince myself again and again that "everything happens for a reason," but alas, it meant completely nonsense to me.  It's really difficult to understand the logic why the world can be so unfair sometimes.  Maybe because I was young and immature.  Or perhaps, I lacked faith.

I doubted His justness and fairness.  Just like Kubler-Ross's second stage of grief, I found myself questioning Him what I have done wrong to deserve such heartbreak. I wanted to hear words that would help me understand the purpose of such pain, but all I heard was nothing -- only complete silence.

I was lost.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard this song for the first time:
"When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together.  When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart.  When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone.. I find You mighty and strong, You keep holding on.  You keep holding on."  - Everything Falls by Fee
I was lost but I knew right then, upon hearing every lyrics of that song, I was never alone.  Amidst all the troubles and heaviness I had in my heart, I felt comfort.  I felt love.  I AM LOVED!

Moving on was never easy.  But it was something I had to do for myself.  So I decided to let go and chose to forgive.

Just as days passed and seasons changed, everything in my life also started to fall back into place and make sense -- I landed a job and started working locally, I got to know who my REAL friends are, and eventually, found a love that's honest and faithful.

Looking back, I have come to realize that such heartbreak was actually a blessing in disguise.  Have I not had my heart broken five years ago, perhaps, I wouldn't be where I am today -- LIVING A HAPPILY MARRIED LIFE, a dream I have always wished, hoped, and prayed for ever since.

Had I known that it was you waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, perhaps, I could have accepted all the hurt with open arms and less drama.  My love, you are worth all the heartaches and pain that I had been through.. And I would be more than willing to go through that hell again if I had to, just as long as it's your hand I get to hold for the rest of my life.

So if one day you find yourself getting tired of all life's s**t, remember that life may sometimes not be fair but HE is.  Just take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and have faith that one day, all the pain would make sense too.  When that day comes, I know that just like me, you'll thank God too for a heartbreak that was not meant to destroy but to bless you, just in a way different than what you have expected.  And with that, allow me to end this post by sharing with you this beautiful prayer from an unknown author:
"When I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, Oh Lord.. Help me to remember that Your love is ALWAYS greater than my disappointments and Your plans for my life are ALWAYS better than my dreams.  Amen."

***By the way, that song by Fee became my ultimate favorite since then.

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